All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
