And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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