haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
Randomize
