True but thats because hes a fetus.
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Randomize
