He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Is that strawberry winking at me??
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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