Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
Randomize
