It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
