I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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