Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
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