the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Randomize
