I'm so fucking centered right now
I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
