I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
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