So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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