***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
