Porn is love you can see.
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
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