Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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