cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
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