Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
