I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
