i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Randomize
