I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Randomize
