I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
