I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
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