sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
We need to get me chipped asap
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
