Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
Randomize
