She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
Success! We fucked roommates!
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
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