Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Randomize
