One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize