So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Damn victory sex feels great
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
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