I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize
