My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
