why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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