Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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