Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize