Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Randomize
