U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
Randomize
