Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Randomize
