Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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