I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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