Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize
