All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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