I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Randomize
