My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
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