i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Why are your pants in the freezer?
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize
