I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I just forgot I was standing up.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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