I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
kristin has been a bad kristin
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Randomize