Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Randomize
