It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
