Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
