Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
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