That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
There r osticjed everywhere
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Randomize
