I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
