He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
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