my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
