every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize
