So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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