whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
