Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize
