Your mouth is God's brothel.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
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