I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Randomize
