3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Randomize