It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize
