These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
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