He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Randomize
