i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
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