Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
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