...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
