did you get engaged???
Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
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