so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
How many fucks given?
0.12846
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
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