Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
Drake has all the answers
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
