I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
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