Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
