so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
