I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
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