She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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